I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
