didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
