i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
