If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
