Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
