I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
