I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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