I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
