Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
