That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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