I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
