yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
porn star boner night. come get it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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