I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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