I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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