put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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