saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
try to milk me bitch
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