dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hippo gnu deer
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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