Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My vagina is officially offended.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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