so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
