it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
