You made me cry and you don't even care
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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