If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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