i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
