never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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