I need to stop coming to work sober
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
