Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
