A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
