he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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