i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize