Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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