In the future we'll all be gay
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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