He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
