Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
