i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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