I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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