If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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