we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
