Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
