We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize