by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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