so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
