Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you didnt know i had herpes?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
