i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
