I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Alive.
So much puke
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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