i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
