My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
