...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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