so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
