getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
