Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
