Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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