and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
