You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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