don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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