i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
