I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize