I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
