Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
