Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
