The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
