i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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