oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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