Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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