I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
