it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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