so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
