Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize